Friday, November 5, 2010


Like forcing a square peg into a round hole, trying to blend the Taurus tranquility
with the Sagittarian exuberance gives the Bull and the girl Archer the symbolic
appearance of a ruptured Tinker Toy.
On the other hand (there's always a Libran trying to get into each chapter
of this book to start an argument), on the other hand, it's not necessarily the
greatest thing in the world to mate with a mirror image of yourself. It's more
fun to team up with someone who has crooked ears to balance out your twelve
toes - or someone who has a soft heart to compensate for your hard head -
things like that. Mix and match, and make up for what you lack with what the
other person has in excess, and wants to give away, if only he or she can find she's window shopping, he's counting to ten, making
the most - her lack of maidenly modesty, her hollering slang right
out on the street, that caused everyone to stare curiously at them, or
her extravagance in insisting on buying things when she doesn't have
the cash, and furthermore, has no idea when she
he suspects probably means that she'll try to borrow it from him
when the bill from the store arrives, and she's still broke. (He's
right. She will.) And so, for the moment - silence from the Bull.
Silence. Absolute, ominous silence. He can't decide what bugs himwill have it - which
(or ... to switch scenes)
SAG: Honey, let's get a St. Bernard to keep Lady Macbeth, our sheep dog,
company, and name him Merlin. Wouldn't that be a scream?
Or maybe we could change Lady Macbeth's name to Elizabeth, and
name the St. Bernard Robert, after the Brownings. Do you think
dogs understand poetry? I do. They certainly understand it better
than you. You wouldn't know Solzhenitsyn from Sasquatch. Do you
think they would mate?
THE BULL: Solzhenitsyn and Sasquatch?
SAG: No, stupid. The dogs. The sheep dog and the St. Bernard. How
could a Russian poet mate with Sasquatch? You probably don't
even know that Sasquatch is the name of Bigfoot... the one they
keep tracking in the High Sierras. Of course (she muses, thoughtfully)
they don't really know if Bigfoot is male or female, so I suppose
they could, b u t . . . .
your big mouth. I'm going to call you Sasquatch from now on.
SAG: Do you suppose the puppies would be retarded or something?
THE BULL: Solzhenitsyn's - or Sasquatch's?
SAG: Stop trying to be funny. Did I tell you I think our cat, Maybelle, is
going to have a litter of kittens in a few weeks?
Bigfoot. That's you, baby. You're always sticking your big foot in
Once and for all, get this through your marble head. I do not
enjoy having furry little creatures climbing all over me in bed when
I'm trying to sleep. This place is beginning to resemble the ASPCA
Listen, Sasquatch. I am not a dog breeder. I am also not a cat midwife.
(or... to switch again)
SAG: Why don't you want me to march in the ecology protest parade? We
only have ten years left on this planet if somebody doesn't do something
right away. Do you want to suffocate in ten years because
there's no more oxygen left in the air, because the plankton that
makes the oxygen, which grows in the ocean, is gone - because of
pollution of the water, caused by greedy industrialists like you?
THE BULL: I am not a greedy industrialist. I own a small Orange Julius stand.
And I don't care which Chinese Communist-inspired "cause" you
for Karl Marx.
SAG: Listen, if you're so jealous that you've decided to lie, and make up
stories about me, don't pick a German Nazi name like that. Who
said I was seen talking to this Marx guy anyway? The only man I've
spoken to all week is the intern at the blood bank, who . . .
see? Now you're even pushing Oriental food. You're a sucker
Shut up.What did you say?
SAG: Well, I don't have to take
I said shut up.that. I'm leaving.
You haven't written or called her in five years.
SAG: I have no intention of going home. That would be worse than living
with you. I'm going to move in with my old boy friend, Kevin -
(yawning) Where are you going? Your mother won't take you in.
where I'm going.
SAG: It's okay. Don't get any nasty ideas, Lumpy. Kevin is married. His
wife won't mind. I'll call them first.
(no longer yawning, now alert and snorting) Over my dead body you
DO YOU WANT TO BET? Or maybe you're planning a
SAG: Stop shouting. Your face is red. I thought you didn't approve of
gambling. Now you want to make a bet with me over some smutty
suspicion you have. See how changeable you are? I thought Taurus
men were supposed to be steady and dependable. That's the only
reason I married you, because my astrologer told me you were steady
and dependable. All astrologers ought to be arrested. What's a
a trois?
slurs I can understand. You know I don't speak Russian.
(now furious) What do you want to bet his wife will mind? WHATmenage aIS THAT IT?menageIf you're going to insult me, at least insult me with
dinner, and maybe a play afterwards. It's our wedding anniversary,
but I don't expect you to remember anything so trivial as that.
SAG: Oh, Buttercup, Sweetheart! Really? Can we see
I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP! Come on Sasquatch, I'll take you out toMan of La Mancha?
And can I call Kevin and his wife, and see if they'd like to go
with us?
It kind of goes like that, with variations. And don't let the mix-up over
Karl Marx influence you. If she has a Ph.D. in political science, and speaks several
languages - which many girl Archers do - she'll be even
Sagittarians are just as fiery and self-righteous when they're well informed as
they are when they don't know what they're talking about. Since Sagittarius
rules higher education, among other things, the chances are she will have a degree
or two. Either way, she'll find tons of topical and tangled issues of the day
to analyze with her cool logic and brutal honesty. Then she'll attempt to
straighten them out with her Jupiter optimism. It makes breakfast with the
morning newspaper a lively meal. Her scintillating discussions make up for
burned toast and un-sectioned grapefruit (a degree in cooking she probably does
more indignant.
Their political views will differ somewhat, to put it mildly.
have).He thinks theChicago Tribune
ing liberal.
member of the John Birch Society because he was so stuffy about nudity in Central
Park when he was Mayor of New York. But she voted for him anyway, because,
after all, Lindsay is a Sag himself, so his intentions were probably good.
As for the Bull's choice for Mayor of Manhattan, Ronald Reagan or William
Buckley - she thinks they would make a worse mess of the job than Lindsay.
At this point, Taurus will shout, "The only possible way that anyone could
make a worse mess of governing Manhattan than your friendly Archer John
Lindsay did would be to formally declare war on the city!" But the stalemate
isn't altogether hopeless. There's an outside chance they both might agree on
Jerry Brown and the revival of the
of course.
The Sagittarian girl's ebullient spirits help her snap back from most misfortunes
like a rubber band. She looks on the bright side of things, and her sunny
disposition makes the Bull smile indulgently at the idealism and naivete behind
it. But she doesn't recover as quickly from a broken heart as she does from
smashed ambitions, a fractured dream, or a period of poverty. Unrequited love
(meaning love she gives freely to a man who abuses her trust) gets her down, and
sometimes keeps her there. But the gentle understanding of a patient Bull
could heal her emotional scars and, at the same time, teach her that not all men
are fickle phonies who break promises. It's not uncommon for these two to fall
in love while he's playing Big Brother, and drying her tears over a broken affair.
His dependability soothes her, and his steady faith in her calms her troubled
soul. So she may decide this is the man she's been shooting for and missing
since she first aimed her bow and arrow toward the stars and reached for an impossible
dream. He may be. Then again, he may not. If the Sun and Moon in
their mutual charts are friendly, they can build a relationship which, although it
will certainly never be dull, might be snug and satisfying. With a negative Luminary
vibration between their horoscopes, they'll need courage.
She is fond of argument. The Sagittarian girl enjoys crossing swords with a
good antagonist. Because her swift flashes of logic give her a sharp insight, she's
a skillful debater, and painfully honest. The trouble is, a Taurus man is not
fond of argument and debate - or even of overly long friendly discussions. She
may then invite packs of assorted friends over to camp out, hang around, and
keep her wits sharpened. But that will only make things worse. The Bull does
not like to see his castle cluttered with noisy strangers, and it will take a good
deal of emotional elasticity to ease the tight tensions.
The subjects on the double bill of many of their comic-tragedies will be his
stubbornness - and her extravagance. As for how long the quarrels last, it depends
on her awareness of his Venus-ruled nature. She'll forget her own anger
quickly. He can pout for days unless she knows the secret to his heart. With a
is an underground newspaper and Barry Goldwater is a flamShe thinks John Lindsay is an uptight conservative who's a secretSaturday Evening Post - for different reasons,
That brings us to their sexual harmony. It could be an exciting meeting of
Fire and Earth that gives them enough mutual pleasure to soften all their other
differences. The initial physical attraction is strong. Her frank, wholesome approach
to sex will incite the Bull to open up his heart to her, releasing emotions
which may have been stifled within him for fear of rebuff. She'll respond naturally
to his affectionate gestures, and his air of tender protectiveness. He makes
her feel totally loved, not just passionately desired. Yet she may fulfill his physical-
emotional needs more completely than he fulfills hers.
The Sagittarian woman often clings to her phantom lover, the one who
promised to carry her off into the clouds in her adolescent fantasies - so there
may be times when the Taurus man will vaguely sense that she isn't entirely
consumed by abandoned passion during their intimacies. If he does, he should  oreille and scratches his head, he'll grow ecstatic,
remain silent, and not start one of those Sagittarian arguments. She might zing
out one of her truthful arrows at a crucial moment, and damage his Taurean
masculinity permanently. The possibilities of this happening are too numerous
and embarrassing to mention. Still, despite her daydreams or nightdreams, or
whatever, she's not likely to chase her phantom lover anywhere but in her restless
mind. Not when she has a real live, warm, kind and cuddly Teddy Bear to
take to bed with her. He'll replace the stuffed one she used to sleep with when
she was lonely and lost, and despairing of ever being "really truly loved."
A Sagittarius woman is quick to reach out for love, if the hand she grabs
and holds tightly also offers friendship. She's impulsive, excited by mental
qualities - and loyal, once she becomes sincerely attached. So is he. But he
won't eat egg fu yung in a restaurant forever. To the Bull, a woman's place is in
the home, with strong emphasis on the kitchen and the bedroom. If that's
where she's happiest, and willing to spend a reasonable amount of time with
him, their contentment could be lasting. If she'd rather be out tumbling with
the clowns, well - Lumpy and Sasquatch will just have to find some sort of
compromise. Real love can always find one.
If she calls him Buttercup (but PLEASE, not in front of others) he'll call
her Honey-cakes - if she tickles his
docile and sweetly manageable. And if he stops telling her to shut up,
and tries a little harder to understand her honesty, to take a genuine interest in
her opinions and excitement, she might blunt her arrows a little - and maybe
even cook some egg fu yung for him herself... at home, where she belongs.
one hard squeeze, and one gentle kiss, will tear down all his obstinate defenses.

march for on your own time, but I just got home from work, and I
haven't been fed. I'm hungry. Stifle yourself, and feed me.
SAG: Say, do you think you own me? I'm not your slave. You act like you
expect me to punch a time clock around here. Go out and get yourself
some egg fu yung tonight. I'm not cooking.

someone who needs it - and who will take it. It develops character. Or something.
We may need an example. The two of them are walking along the street,
window shopping. That is,
a determined effort to control his growing annoyance.
SAG: Oh, WOW! That really rips it! Look at that string bikini! I'm going
in and open up a charge account, so I can buy it right away, and
wear it to the beach tomorrow to look sexy.

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